My heart has all those dreams

I don't  want my raw heart out of my body. I can't allow my collarbone let him fly away. He doesn't want to be a prisioner anymore.  My heart doesn't have wings but dreams instead. He dreams of all those false ideas about love. How can I convince him to remain here? He wants to be free and live.

Live all those ideas about love. How can I convince him that he will cry? He has all those dreams.

A humid night in a kiss under the stars. He has all those desires. A caress in a cold night. He has this appetite. An autum afternoon in a whisper. 

He is condem to suffer. How can I stop him if he is too blind? I can't cut my eyes and I give them to him. Who will lead him to good? My heart is impatience. He wants to fly and I am scared that I have nothing left.

What am i gonna do with a heart that wants to run all the time? My heart wants to live and I want to die. My heart has all those dreams and I lost many of them. I don't want to fight. I want my hear where he is and he just want to fly...

Sto Lat!

The letter f is missing from my keyboard. I can't type it. It doesn't work.  I have to copy and paste everytime I need to use a word that uses an f.

Life is the same. Sometimes we are missing things and until we don't get them we can complete our sentences. I am wondering when I will feel good again. Something is missing and I keep praying for something to change, for a sign, maybe a miracle...something that tells me I am in the right path.

Today was your birthday and I called you and I was so nervous. I couldn't tell you the speech I prepared within days. I don't know what I am gonna do tomorow morning. I am not allowed to miss you. I wonder how long I will wait to get an email from you or if you will call anytime soon. . How many stories I will miss after today. It's gonna be the same as when we didn't speak for months.

I wanted to sing you Sto Lat, Sto Lat but I couldn't even say anything I memorized even less a song in polish. I saw your pictures and I can't stop thinking of how good looking you are and how miserable I get sometimes because you are so far away.

How do we forget people? How do we change our feelings? when is time to move on?
I miss you a lot today.

PV

I have been trying to write poetry but I can't. It's true I have missed you a lot. Sometimes I think I am crazy. It's like if I talk to you everyday. I mean I speak to you. Let me explain you...I don't remember when all this started it but I started having conversations with you. Telling you about what things I get annoyed and explaining you what I wanted from you.

Your ghost knows everything about me. My secrets, my lies, my good and bad behaviours. Sometimes I have prayed at 4 am so I cant stop thinking of you. I told you I am crazy.

Some people move on very quickly and I can't. I wish to be one of those people who find love everywhere and they just seem to not care about the past or how much they have been hurt.

I think so I am hurt. It hurts. I want to forget you. I want to stop creating stupid crazy love stories. To be honest I wish I could do so many things with you. One chance. That's what I wish you could give me. One chance to show you that I really love you and I care deeply about you.

I am sick I know and I am trying to get better.
I miss you today and I called you but you didnt answer. Whenever you are...I hope you are happy.
I love you

Laugh

I have missed you all this week. I waited for an answer to my emails. No answer. I know probably you are busy and you have always picked what emails and what questions to answer.


It doesn't hurt anymore but I still find myself thinking of you at random times.  Today Jason told me he is moving with Milton...

I think too much about you, about love, about the moment that will happen and it doesn't happen. I wonder what I am doing wrong...

anyway..time to sleep ...things will get better!

Love you silly

This kinda of love...!

There is a kind of love that we can't describe but we can feel... My father holding Liam and laughing with him. See him how much love and caring have put into us. It brought me memories when I was a kid.

Walking after classes and getting a mango with chile. My sister always beside me. Eating with her and waiting anxiously for my mom to come home. I remember the games of our childhood and the happiness of those times. My mom was right. She used to say Sleep now because when you get old , you might not be able to sleep...

I am happy. I am getting better. I still miss you but there is not much I can do. I went bed thinking of you* and I woke up in the middle of the night thinking of you.  I need to get busier. Too much free time! 

 I am writing more and more.I am living so many stories but writing only one. The future is full of uncertainty but I am sure better things are coming. 

Me gustan los feos

The nod that was under my chest has dissapeared. I was too sick to cry when I was in Kelowna. The pain was unbearable...However yesterday, I pulled the windows down and I had a good cry.

I cried for all good reasons because I am scared, becuase I don't want to think of you, becasue I need to stop this madness...

I came home late and I felt sleep quickly. I woke up with a strange happiness. The nod under my chest was gone and I could breathe easily. It's good to smile again...

I still think of you now and then but I am sure things are gonna change soon.  I love myself and I deserve something better.

Whenever you are...find me. I will be waiting for you.

That's the truth

It hurts.That's the truth. I miss you and it hurts. I haven't been able to swallow the key. Felicia said that moving on is swalling the key and no looking back...

 I am still here kinda hoping that one day out of the blue, you choose me. My days are filled with memories of you. Your voice, your laugh, your body, etc. I can't call you. I won't but I still hope you do. I will try to hide my exciment or my surprise...

I am tired of my re-runs. I am tired of this feeling. I want to wake up and feel like I don't need you close to me. I want to dream about something else but you. I want to eat and not wish you were here. I want to stop my thoughts searching for you in hours that I shouldn't. I want you to dissapear without losing you from my life. I want to stop this need to hear you even when you are so far away.

I want you here and I can't have you. It hurts. That's the truth and I want to stop and I still can't. 

I miss you. 

We make cute babies!

I have found myself with a lot of free time but with too many thoughts around my mind...My hometown is small. People are still nice. You walk and they say to you "Good Morning" or if they know you for one reason or another, they would stop and make some small talk about the recent kidnappings or some other gossip tha seems important to pass mouth to mouth.

My parents have lived here for almost 30 years, I guess that's the reason they know a lot of people. I am suprised that even my sister knows people now. I feel like an outcast. People look at me and wonder if I can be my mom's son. Funny how life have changed me. Once the prodigy and now, only a ghost.

Liam is still a baby and he probably won't remember anything. Hopefully he won't have the same memory as me. I am afraid that if he does, he won't be able to forget anything and every memory would be as the living present.  

I love you like a river ( MISIU)

My heart hurts and my words can't stay inside of the cavities of this body for much longer. The stories have grown wildly and rooted like bamboo. My soul is aching and here I am trying to make sense to this non-sense.

You are here with me. Always. This story has unfolded in a strange way. A few months ago, I thought the ending would be the one we decided in Honolulu and that I would  have to  remember you as the mean character you were at that time. However, this story, my story or our story is far from over. 

Should I start from the beginning? Should I start from here? I am not sure if this is a love story or a story of learning about to love. Probably a story that is far from love.... however I will start this story saying that I love you. 

CHAPTER 1: THE KISS AT THE AIRPORT 

CHAPTER 2: JUST EMOTICONS

CHAPTER 3: STAMPS IN YOUR PASSPORT

CHAPTER 4: GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!

CHAPTER 5: MAR DE CORTES

CHAPTER 6: ETERNAL HOPES

CHAPTER 7: DARKEST STORIES

CHAPTER 8: MY HEART IS DYING

CHAPTER 9: WITHOUT YOU

CHAPTER 10: I HEAR YOU MOAN

CHAPTER 11: JUST FRIENDS?