MR

Misiu,

Do you remember the days when I used to get annoyed when you answered me with emoticons? Or the days when I used to call you in the middle of the day just to say hello?  At this point, everything seems so silly.  It is funny how things work out, isn't it? When we least expect, life face us with a challenge that test our courage and test how far we can go in order to survive.

I looked back on time  and discovered  that the best portion of my life were the small, nameless moments I spent smiling with someone who mattered to me: Watching the sunset with you in Phoenix, the kiss in the airport, hiking with you, making you grumpy intentionally…

I wondered for a long time what I was doing wrong with you and, suddenly, I recognized I have always asked you to accept me for who I am when you haven't done that for yourself. How many valuable persons we lose for being afraid to lose?

I have understood I shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in your life. I guess, I insisted too hard and you overlooked my worth. I have followed you in my craziness, neediness and sickness and I have always made an effort to be good with you   but you have always remained unapologetic, still, afraid, and mean. I have might learned too late, it’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken.  Some things just can’t be fixed.

I wonder if I weren’t sick you would email me… I am not mad, I am happy, very happy because I gave it all. I believe sometimes we just have to risk it. Live the way we feel and you know, it might not turn out well. Sometimes it doesn't turn out well at all. But we have to try. We have to keep on trying.  Otherwise we just become puppets, all painted smiles where inside nothing but sawdust. ..